So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
