I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I will pee on everything he values.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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