you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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