You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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