It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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