do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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