I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
