blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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