Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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