He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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