It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
