She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
