A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
