okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
