I understand why you refuse to be sober now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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