What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize