I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
