Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
