I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
