in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
