Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
only you would photoshop your dick
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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