Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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