just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
