Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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