then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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