No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
