Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize