even my farts smell like vagina
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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