Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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