im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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