Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
