in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
