If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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