is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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