We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
