the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
