you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
