i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize