nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
