the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
