That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
