Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
