there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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