You're so nebulous sometimes
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
