3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
