Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
