I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
