I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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