dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
