I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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