Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
