talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
