I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
