can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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