those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
