I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
