I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
