how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
