i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
