Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
