Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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