this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
