I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize