If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
