Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
