NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize