I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
