Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
