Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.

Fav 12 1502 919
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(763): View more from Minnesota

I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.

Fav 25 1173 4959
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(773): View more from Illinois

Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.

Fav 22 4220 862
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.

Fav 38 1033 11954
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(217): View more from Illinois

We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed

Fav 4 2300 1023
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(302): View more from Delaware

A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made

Fav 13 1988 923
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(816): View more from Missouri

He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.

Fav 2 559 991
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(817): View more from Texas

But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be

Fav 1 187 98
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now

Fav 0 49 9
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