you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
