Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
