I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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