if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
