is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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