I think my vagina is haunted
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
