Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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