I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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