she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
