Where did you get a picture of my penis
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
