Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize