how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
