i'm signing you up for texting rehab
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
