wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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