I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
