Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
