Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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