who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
