It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My life is pants optional.
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