the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
only if we run a train.
done.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
