i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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