matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
