I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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