Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
