So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
