biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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