Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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