your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
