I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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