Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
