where am i from again
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
