Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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