If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
