mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
