Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
